Touchy Topics: Why Talking To Your Kids About Consent Starts With You

Hi Love,

You know that feeling when your kid asks a question about their body, and your brain goes, “Oh crap, where’s the parenting manual for this?”
Yeah. That.

Most of us weren’t raised to talk about bodies, consent, or boundaries in open, healthy ways. We were told to be polite, to keep things “appropriate,” to not make a scene. So when those questions come up now, it’s no wonder we freeze or fumble.

But here’s what matters most: that pause isn’t proof you’re failing. It’s proof you’re doing something different.

Because this kind of parenting isn’t about having the perfect answer. It’s about caring enough to stay present when it gets uncomfortable. It’s about being the mom who feels it in her gut — that deep, unmistakable knowing that says, this matters.

🌙 The Real Work Starts With You

Most people think consent education starts with the kids. But the truth? It starts with us.

It starts in the moments we notice our shoulders tense when our child says “no.”
It starts in the lump that forms in our throat when we use real words like “vulva” or “penis.”
It starts in the quiet courage it takes to say, “You don’t have to hug anyone you don’t want to.”

That discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re healing old patterns that were built on silence and obedience.

Many of us grew up being told to listen to authority over our own instincts. We were rewarded for being easy, not honest. So when you’re trying to raise a child who knows their body, their voice, and their boundaries, it’s bound to feel messy.

But that’s where the shift happens — when you take a breath, stay curious, and lead with connection instead of control.

💫 Your Nervous System Is the First Lesson

When your child asks something unexpected, your body often reacts before your brain can catch up. Maybe your chest tightens, your face warms, or you laugh awkwardly to defuse the moment. That’s not a mistake; that’s memory.

Your body remembers what you weren’t allowed to ask or feel.

When you slow down, breathe, and respond with openness, you’re teaching your child that tough conversations aren’t dangerous — they’re welcome. And you’re showing them something even more powerful: that you are the safest person to come to with those questions.

Your calm doesn’t just make the moment easier. It teaches your child that emotions are safe, that curiosity is normal, and that honesty builds trust.

That’s what emotional safety looks like. It starts with you — not the words, but the regulation behind them.

🌿 Everyday Moments Build Trust

As my co-host, Alisha Lunsford, founder of sExpert Parenting, says, “One conversation isn’t enough. These need to be little chats on shuffle.”

It’s not about sitting your kid down for a serious talk. It’s about sprinkling these moments into everyday life, when they’re most natural.

At bath time:

“That’s your body. You get to decide who touches it.”

Before a playdate:

“If someone says stop, we stop. If you say stop, they should too.”

At bedtime:

“If something ever feels icky or off, you can always tell me.”

Those short, simple check-ins do more than any formal talk ever could. They show your child that these topics belong in everyday life — that their body, their voice, and their feelings are worth listening to.

🌕 The BS We’re Unlearning

We’re raising kids in a world that’s finally starting to have healthy conversations about consent and boundaries. But before we can teach the new, we have to unlearn the old.

Messages like:
🚫 “Be polite, even if it feels wrong.”
🚫 “Don’t make a big deal out of it.”
🚫 “Adults know best.”
🚫 “We don’t talk about that.”

And here’s what we’re replacing them with:
✅ “Your feelings are valid.”
✅ “You can say no and still be kind.”
✅ “I’ll always believe you.”
✅ “Your voice matters.”

This is what rewriting the story looks like — not perfection, just presence. You’re not avoiding the uncomfortable anymore; you’re meeting it head-on and teaching your child that truth and safety can live in the same space.

🧵 Healing Isn’t About Being Perfect — It’s About Being Present

When your child sets a boundary and you feel something tighten inside you, that’s your body remembering what it felt like to not be allowed boundaries.
When you want to protect them but don’t know how, that’s your heart rewriting old scripts.
When you feel pride and grief at the same time, that’s healing.

You’re not just teaching your child how to communicate consent. You’re reparenting yourself in the process.

You’re showing them that being safe doesn’t mean being silent, and that love and boundaries can coexist beautifully.

That’s what makes you powerful — your willingness to face what past generations ignored.

💬 The Power of Language

One of the simplest, most protective things you can do is use clear, shame-free language.

Using real words like vulva, penis, and testicles doesn’t make things weird. It makes things safe. Kids who know the real names for their body parts are less vulnerable to predator grooming and more likely to come to you when something doesn’t feel right.

Alisha calls it “real words = real protection.”

When we swap those words for cute nicknames, we make things less clear for our kids and easier for predators. But when we teach with honesty and confidence, we give them power — not fear.

🔥 You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

You deserve support while you do this work — because honestly, it’s too much for one person to carry alone.

That’s why Alisha and I created Touchy Topics: Consent, Boundaries, and the BS We’re Unlearning, a 90-minute workshop that bridges emotional safety and practical consent education.

She brings her expertise in body safety and age-appropriate scripts that make tough topics approachable. I bring the tools to help you regulate your nervous system, release the old programming, and show up as the calm, confident guide your child needs.

Together, we’ll help you shift from fear to understanding, from awkward to aligned.

☕ Tea Time

If this stirred something in you, if you’re ready to replace awkwardness with calm and silence with connection, this is your next step.

✨ Touchy Topics: Consent, Boundaries, and the BS We’re Unlearning
📅 Date: November 20th
🕐 Time: 9AM PST / 12PM EST
📍 Location: Google Meet
🎟️ Save your spot: sexpertparenting.kit.com/touchytopics

You’ll leave with language that feels natural, tools that fit your family, and the confidence to talk about body safety without shame, fear, or panic.

Because you’re not just raising kids — you’re raising a new standard of safety, honesty, and trust.

And that? That’s the kind of legacy that changes everything.

Shining brighter together,
Erin Flavin and Alisha Lunsford