No Secrets, Just Safety: What Every Parent Should Know About Consent and Online Safety
Hi Love,
You’re standing in line at the grocery store when your kid blurts out,
“Mom, where do babies come from?”
At full volume.
All eyes land on you, and suddenly the sweat beads on your upper lip.
You laugh awkwardly, mumble something about “we’ll talk later,” and push the cart a little faster toward the checkout.
Sound familiar?
You’re not alone.
So many of us grew up without language for this stuff — bodies, boundaries, consent, and safety. Now we’re raising kids in a world that demands we find the words anyway.
And the truth is, it’s not about saying the perfect answer, because that doesn’t exist. It’s about showing up, even when your heart races and your brain scrambles for the “right” words.
Because these moments — the sweaty-palmed, oh-my-god-why-now — are opportunities for building real connection.
🌙 Beyond Stranger Danger: Teaching Kids to Trust Their Gut
Most of us grew up hearing, “Don’t talk to strangers.”
But that old rule misses the mark.
Most harm doesn’t come from strangers. It comes from people kids already know. Babysitters. Coaches. Family friends. Even relatives.
That’s why the “tricky people” concept is a better way to teach safety.
As my co-host Alisha Lunsford, founder of sExpert Parenting, explains:
“A tricky person isn’t always scary. They’re someone who breaks safety rules — someone who makes a kid feel icky or confused and tells them to keep it a secret.”
The goal isn’t to make kids afraid of people. It’s to help them recognize when something feels off.
That “icky” or “uh-oh” feeling? That’s their body saying, this doesn’t feel right.
When you normalize talking about those feelings and model trusting your own intuition, you’re teaching your child one of the most powerful safety tools they’ll ever have.
💬 Everyday Consent Conversations That Stick
You don’t need a script; you need small, steady conversations that make consent and safety part of everyday life.
As Alisha says, “Don’t wait for the big talk. Keep it on shuffle.”
In the car:
“Our bodies are private, but they’re never secret.”
During play:
“If someone changes the rules and it feels unfair, you can always speak up.”
At bedtime:
“If something ever makes you feel weird inside, you can tell me, no matter what.”
Each of these little moments says, I believe you. I’ll listen. You’re safe with me.
And sometimes, your child will say something that throws you off.
You’ll feel your jaw tighten, your chest clench, or your breath catch.
Take a breath.
Unclench your jaw.
Roll those shoulders back.
You’ve got this.
That tension isn’t wrong. It’s your nervous system doing what it’s meant to do: protecting you.
But you’re safe now, too.
And when you can stay grounded in that truth, your child learns that even uncomfortable conversations can happen without shame.
🌿 Boundaries, Autonomy, and Body Safety
We say we want kids to have boundaries, but sometimes our old programming trips us up.
Like when your child refuses a hug and you hear that voice inside say, “Don’t be rude.”
Or when you want them to share, even though they’ve said no.
That’s the moment to pause.
Say, “Okay, you don’t have to hug if you don’t want to. A wave or a high-five works too.”
It might feel small, but what you’re teaching is massive:
Their “no” matters.
Their body is their own.
They can trust their instincts.
As Alisha reminds parents, “Real words and real respect create real protection.”
When kids learn to name their body parts accurately and assert their boundaries clearly, they’re better equipped to speak up if something feels wrong.
That’s not fear-based parenting. That’s empowered parenting.
🚨 Grooming, Predators, and Red Flags
This is the part no one wants to think about, but awareness doesn’t create fear; it creates readiness.
Grooming doesn’t always look obvious. It’s kindness that crosses a line. Attention that isolates.
It’s a slow build of trust designed to confuse and control.
Predators often use secrecy, guilt, or flattery to keep kids silent.
But when you’ve built a foundation of open communication, your child is much more likely to come to you, even when they’re scared or unsure.
You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to stay open enough to hear what they say.
When your child shares something and you respond without panicking or jumping into hyperdrive, they learn that you’re steady, safe, and ready to handle it.
And when kids believe their truth won’t break you, they tell you more of it.
📱 Pornography & Online Safety
You glance over your child’s shoulder and catch a glimpse of something on a screen that makes your stomach drop.
It’s gone before you can even process it, but that tiny flash of panic stays with you.
You realize, in that moment, how easy it is for kids to stumble onto things they’re not ready to see, and how much you wish you’d had this conversation sooner.
Talking about pornography and online safety might feel uncomfortable, but avoiding it doesn’t keep kids safe. It just keeps them uninformed.
The average age of first exposure to pornography is around nine years old.
And it’s usually accidental — a pop-up, a search gone sideways, or something a friend shows them.
It’s not if they’ll see it. It’s when.
That’s why these conversations matter so much.
You don’t need to dive into details. Just open the door:
“Sometimes people post pictures or videos of bodies online that aren’t real or safe. If you ever see something like that, you can always come to me.”
“If something makes you curious or confused, that’s okay. We can talk about it.”
“Porn isn’t education. It’s pretend. Real connection looks different.”
These aren’t one-time talks; they’re tiny touchpoints of trust.
And when you keep your voice steady and your energy calm, your child learns that curiosity isn’t shameful. It’s human.
What matters is that they can come to you without fear.
✨ Our Take on “The Talk”
These conversations are hard. They’re emotional. They bring up all the stuff most of us were never taught how to handle.
You deserve guidance and support that helps you navigate it all from a place of calm confidence.
That’s why Alisha Lunsford of sExpert Parenting and I created
Touchy Topics: Consent, Boundaries, and the BS We’re Unlearning.
It’s a 90-minute live workshop where we’ll help you:
✨ Talk about consent and body safety without shame or fear.
✨ Recognize grooming behaviors and red flags early.
✨ Navigate online safety and talk about porn calmly and confidently.
✨ Regulate your nervous system before the big conversations.
You’ll leave with language that feels natural, tools that fit your family, and the grounded confidence to handle the questions that make most parents sweat.
☕ Tea Time
Ready to go even deeper? Bring all your burning questions; no topic is too awkward or off-limits.
✨ Touchy Topics: Consent, Boundaries, and the BS We’re Unlearning
📅 Date: November 20th
🕐 Time: 9AM PST / 12PM EST
📍 Location: Google Meet
🎟️ Save your spot: sexpertparenting.kit.com/touchytopics
You’ll leave knowing how to talk about the hard stuff with calm, clarity, and compassion.
Because safety doesn’t come from silence. It comes from connection.
And you, Love, are already leading the way.
Shining brighter together,
Erin Flavin and Alisha Lunsford
